scattered thoughts

i might just wasting my time, typing uncertainness thought in here.but i need to throw all these stress into words.If anyone notice, im starting to keep everything inside act cool konon, which unfortunately make me more or less like a time bomb - waiting sometimes to exploded.i'd rather not.

exam is just around the corner , and worst my menses too. so i really don't know which one is responsible for this increasing pressure in me. or maybe because of me being free from caffeine for months, and suddenly taking it make me flaring hot inside and giving me extra power to actually become more emotional.

Another things is, after me knowing  my housemate had already finished reading all the lectures i realized that this stress is doubling! ( my big regrets,i should pay the rent later ) Ah,she doing her study well while me..i hate to compare! helplessly hoping i can be even more motivated  after knowing someone had finished.

i wish i could be less ambitious, and just read these leisurely, and just pass the exam. to be honest, forensic not that hard, family medicine pun , one might pass the exam by just reading the text book. it's not like surgery, physic, or statistic or maths or whatsoever.

i wish i could be like guys, (absolutely not the nerd one) they usually go emotionless during exam, they dont cry they dont get homesick they don't crave for ice cream during exam.well at least that's what i observe.

i don't need to tell you, how bad i feel as a student, and as a servant to god. because i keep on praying for god to grant me an ease during exam and grant me a freaking good marks. talking bout adil, i'm sure it's a way far from adil.i'm not studying well but somehow asking Allah for such good grades? okie these really gonna make me crying my heart out :'( i should stop and start pulling oneself together again.